Fast & Furious: 10 Funniest Quotes From Each Main Character That Will Make You Cry Laugh (2023)

The Fast Saga has seen enough changes in its style that the series has seemed a little all over the place. However, even before and after the movies shifted focus from racing to action, there were a lot of funny moments to watch. Overall, almost every character has had at least one instance where they were able to make the audience laugh, and these were done in such a way that these quotes were what really made the scene so enjoyable.

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In this list, we’ve considered any character who had a vital role in a particular role as part of the main cast. That said, here are 10 of the funniest quotes from each main character, along with an explanation of the scene where it took place.

Dom: "Yeah, Well, The Ritz Was Sold Out."

Dom’s always been the stoic guy, being the one with the most badass quotes but with the least outright funny moments. However, he does do a great job when it comes to dry delivery of sarcastic one-liners.

When the crew assembled for the first time in Fast Five, Tej wasn’t impressed by the set-up they were in - it was a rundown garage - and asked Dom if this was the only place he could get. To this, Dom sardonically responded that he would have booked the Ritz Carlton but they were already full.

Brian: "The Only Thing I've Ever Seen Him Take Down Was 'No Knees' Denise. Remember, At Prom?"

Roman’s embarrassment was so great at this shot taken by Brian at his expense that this was one of the worst things the former ever did. However, whatever Roman did with “No Knees” Denise was clearly something he could never live down.

Even when Brian made fun of this fact, with the whole room filled with agents and Dom’s crew, their friends could barely contain their laughter. From what was implied, this event at prom was the result of Roman being desperate for a date, something that Brian would never let him forget.

Roman: "I Delegated. That's What Good Leaders Do...Leader."

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Roman had started out being a no-nonsense guy, but his role eventually spiraled into being a total comedy relief. Eventually, Roman caught on to this as well and demanded to be the leader for the latest mission.

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He clearly wasn’t the man for the job, though, as Roman couldn’t come up with any real ideas, and instead relied on others to build the strategy. However, in order to one-up an agent who had doubted him, Roman pretended the solution only arrived because he had delegated others to brainstorm, despite never actually giving any input.

Tej: "Nah, It's Not As Big As Your Forehead."

Tej and Roman are a double act who could very well receive their own spin-off at some point, as they have a certain friendly antagonism toward each other that produces memorable quotes. Here, Tej got one-up on Roman, who walked straight into this insult.

When Roman freaked out over their latest mission being too dangerous, he argued that the huge dent on a busted up car could’ve been on his forehead, Tej roasted him hard by claiming the dent still wasn’t as big as Roman’s forehead, instantly shutting the latter up.

Letty: "I Smell Skanks. Why Don't You Just Pack It Up Before I Leave Tread Marks On Your Face?"

While she doesn’t engage in as many fight sequences as the other lead characters, Letty’s even scarier than them because of her attitude. Her comedy is in the same vein as Dom’s, with this quote coming from the first movie.

Here, Letty saw how other girls paraded around Dom, and she stepped forward to make it clear he was her man. Rather than play around, she threatened the girls with tread marks on their faces if they didn’t beat it. The thunderstruck expression on Dom’s face ended up making this a hilarious scene.

Rico: "Ugly Is Still Ugly In Spanish Or English."

Fast Five was a well-rounded film for all the action, emotional scenes, and comedy injected into it, with Rico being part of the duo who were the funniest. In his first scene itself, he and his partner were at it with the jokes.

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Seeing Roman as their target, the pair began making fun of him in their native language, although it was clear to the former that they were messing with him. When Roman tried to hit back by claiming they were cheating by using their own language, Rico retaliated by pointing out that it didn’t matter if he spoke in English or not, as Roman would be ugly regardless.

Han: "That's Why All Your Girlfriends Wear So Much Bling, Huh?"

Poor Roman can never catch a break, and this time it was his good buddy Han who took the mickey out of him. When Roman teased Han with his and Gisele’s relationship by giving him relationship advice, he ended up setting himself up.

When he claimed that the only reason to get women jewelry was if a man was compensating for lacking anatomically, Han burned Roman bad by asking if that was the reason why Roman’s girlfriends always had so much jewelry on. The quickness with which Roman’s grin fell confirmed that he really did not see this coming.

Shaw: "Hold This."

When it comes to Shaw, it’s all about dark comedy as he tends to prefer making one-liners during the heat of battle. While he had several good ones in his own spin-off, we have to credit his first full appearance for giving us a funny quote that captured his characterization.

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Here, Shaw was seen casually strolling out of the hospital he had just brutalized, with dozens of Special Ops guys lying dead, taking a grenade out and handing it to the one guy who had survived, asking him to hold the grenade as he walked out with an explosion behind him.

Sean: "You're Like The Justin Timberlake Of Japan, Right?"

It’s a shame that the series hasn’t done anything with Sean Boswell from Tokyo Drift, as he has great potential to permanently be part of Dom’s crew. He’s even adopted a similar taste for making fun of enemies using one-liners.

In this scene, Sean was unfazed by the “Drift King” of Tokyo; when the DK tried to intimidate him, Sean came up with this quote. Not only was this hilarious because it mocked the DK, it fit well too since the DK’s posse did make it look like it was a band like NSYNC.

Hobbs: "I'm Gonna Knock Your Teeth So Far Down Your Throat You're Gonna Stick A Toothbrush Right Up To Brush 'Em."

A running joke is how The Rock basically plays himself in every movie he’s in, which is more striking when Hobbs makes the same kind of insults The Rock does. In The Fate of the Furious, Hobbs made his most wrestling oriented insult yet.

Whenever he and Shaw were in the same room, the pair wasted no time in hurling shots at the other’s expense. This quote was the best one by far, so much so that Shaw couldn’t even keep a straight face and broke down laughing, finally making both Hobbs and Shaw develop a liking.

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